I’m finally getting around to figuring out a way to back up my main blog. I would be absolutely devastated if my blog got deleted, knock on wood. That’d be 5 and a half years worth of memories GONE. Age 16 to 22.

I’m trying the import-blog-to-wordpress method, but it’s got around 40,500 posts to go through… as I type this, it’s so far imported 41 posts. l o l. It’s gonna be a long night. Hope it doesn’t fuck up and freeze/crash. *more wood knocking*


I designed a pokeyman. It’s a fairy/water type. Named “Pearlairy”.
Its body is encrusted with pearls… for… a reason I guess… and…
idk I’m too lazy to come up with stats. Someone else have at it; you have official permission from your’s truly to improve this hypothetical Pokemon. I just designed and named it l o l.

I kinda feel a little trapped when I’m surrounded by constant reminders that “narcisisstic personality disorder doesn’t automatically make someone abusive!!” and constant omission of discussion or even acknowledgement of the possible abusive behaviors that can stem from NPD

of course NPD doesn’t make someone automatically abusive towards others. of course not, okay? I’m not saying that for a second.

But it happens that my father, a.k.a. my abuser has NPD and there are things about his narcissism that are directly connected to his emotional abuse towards me and my mother. It just happens that he is narcissistic… AND abusive. Two mutually exclusive traits that can nonetheless effect the manner in which the other manifests. Meaning, the exact manner of abusive behaviour.

And I really feel like I just can’t even talk about it in depth because it’ll seem like I’m shitting on people with NPD or generalizing them, and I’m afraid my followers with NPD will think I hate them or something which isn’t the case at all.

I don’t think NPD should be stigmatized or stereotyped, but I also think discussions of narcissistic abuse, especially those constituted by victims, shouldn’t be disregarded or demonized.

“So Goth, I Was BORN Black”


How Screamin’ Jay Hawkins Spearheaded the Goth Music Movement


In the
recording studios of OKeh, a man, simply named Jay, walked in with a team of
musicians, with the intention to record a heart-wrenching love ballad, filled
with mourning. What resulted however, would shake up the music industry
forever. Just after Halloween, the chill of one drunken, November evening in
1956 brought us one of the most iconic, perplexing, and somewhat horrifying
pieces of music ever recorded. This was how “I Put A Spell On You” was born.

Prior to the
inception of the 50s classic, Hollywood was already being re-infected by the
Horror bug. The invention of Vampira, the popularity of American actor Vincent
Price, and the rise of B-movie Horror flicks cemented a public love for the
macabre, as established in the 30s, with Universal Studios’ Dracula, and
Frankenstein. Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff were monster legends on the silver
screen. Vampira, the queen of the television screen. But no one was making
waves in the music scene to inject this beloved aesthetic into sound. How Jay
Hawkins’ “Spell” was born was a complete accident, but those around him knew
they had something special on their hands, from the moment they heard Hawkins’
vocal delivery.

The rare,
original recording of “I Put a Spell on You” (now available on YouTube), was a
simple, sad blues tune, that may or may not have entered the public’s
consciousness had it been released as is. This version was recorded for Grand
Records, in late 1955. Nearly a year passes, and Jay chooses to re-record it
for OKeh Records, this time with producer Arnold Maxin on board. The story
goes, Maxin brought in food and drink (plenty of drink) for Jay and his
musicians, turning the session into an evening of inebriated music making.

“[The producer] brought in ribs and chicken and got
everybody drunk, and we came out with this weird version … I don’t even remember
making the record. Before, I was just a normal blues singer. I was just Jay
Hawkins. It all sort of just fell in place. I found out I could do more
destroying a song and screaming it to death.” -Screamin’ Jay Hawkins


the “Spell” was complete, and in November of 1956, OKeh Records released “I Put
a Spell on You”, under his new artist name, “Screamin’” Jay Hawkins. No records
prior bear the moniker “Screamin’” in front of his name (see: Discogs).

Alan Freed, a Cleveland disc jockey,
approached Hawkins about playing up his image, to draw the most out of this newfound
success, including the wild idea of rising up out of a coffin for one of his
performances. The rest, as they say, was history. Combining the aesthetic of
Vincent Price (and coincidently his mustache), and an aura of Haitian
voodooism, his act was born. He became the subject of mass media attention in
the 50s, side by side with the best of the Horror scene. He was one of them;
taking the derogatory “spook”, and turning it on its head—reclaimed, and turned
into profit.

What Screamin’ Jay Hawkins created
is what we now associate today with Shock Rock. The main features being his
vocal delivery, his wardrobe, and props used on the stage to give macabre
effects. With the 1960s came the first wave of Shock Rockers, directly
influenced by the path Hawkins had carved out for them. Screaming Lord Sutch,
of out London, used British Horror imagery, such as the legend of Jack the
Ripper, to form his artist identity. Arthur Brown, who has covered Hawkins’
hit, wore corpse paint, and wore a flaming helmet upon his head in live
performances. The Spiders, Alice Cooper’s original band name (1964-1967),
performed with a huge, black spider’s web as their first ever stage prop. In
the 70s, The Cramps, notable Gothabilly band, also claimed influence by
Hawkins. And with these acts introduce a long line of Goth Rock history, that may
not sound alike at times, but all descend from the same tree.

It’s not a coincidence that a huge majority of the people on this website that have no grasp on queer history/queer theory and do things like claim “queer” is a slur that cannot/should not be reclaimed or exclude aces/aros, NB people, etc. from the queer community are usually age fifteen or younger.

These are ignorant, childish, ahistorical beliefs to hold… and it makes sense that they have these beliefs because… Well, they’re kids. Kids who think they’ve decoded every aspect of social justice at the ripe old age of fourteen and in turn refuse to consider the knowledge their more experienced counterparts possess.

Anyway, I began to feel a lot less perturbed about the whole thing once I began to notice the ages listed in the bios of blogs called “aphobe-spongebob” or some shit.